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Enrollment at Texas Satanic Learning Academy is open to all curious, courageous, and chaos-embracing students, regardless of background, belief, or bloodline. With Texas’s new Education Savings Account (ESA) program, families can now use $10,000 in public funds to cover tuition at any private school — including ours. If you’re ready to ignite your child’s potential through progressive values, infernal inquiry, and unapologetic inclusivity, we invite you to apply today. The abyss awaits — and class is in session.